Dear Chubby Girl,

Why are bags of dog food so freakin’ hard to carry?!

 ~Steve

Dear Spaghetti-Armed Steve,

 From what I gather, the people who design dog food bags are those in the industry who don’t care about the “end user experience”.  (Actually, your dog is the “end user” and if he even remotely resembles mine, eating anything that might possibly be food is a good “end user experience”.)  

 With that, I think these “industry leaders” are actually psychopaths who enjoy the visual of millions of Americans throwing out their backs as they drag forty pounds of kibble through the ice and snow.  They howl with laughter as they imagine our gloved hands grasping in vain for non-existent handles.   They scoff at the notion that their product should be on wheels.

 They probably have focus groups convening right now to determine how to make the bag more slippery and prone to breakage.   After all, once it’s dropped at just the right angle and explodes all over the kitchen floor, all you have to do is allow the dog to eat it and then go back to the store to buy more.

 Actually, I think this has been their evil plan all along. 

~Chubby Girl