We’d like to take this opportunity to discuss some changes to the “Chubby Girl” website.

Due to some new “Chubby Girl” related projects, we are going to reduce the number of comic updates from five times a week down to three.  Our new update schedule, which will begin this week, will be Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

We look forward to bringing you new and exciting content to our website this summer!  We’ll keep you posted on our upcoming developments!

~ManDee

Dear Chubby Girl,

Why are bags of dog food so freakin’ hard to carry?!

 ~Steve

Dear Spaghetti-Armed Steve,

 From what I gather, the people who design dog food bags are those in the industry who don’t care about the “end user experience”.  (Actually, your dog is the “end user” and if he even remotely resembles mine, eating anything that might possibly be food is a good “end user experience”.)  

 With that, I think these “industry leaders” are actually psychopaths who enjoy the visual of millions of Americans throwing out their backs as they drag forty pounds of kibble through the ice and snow.  They howl with laughter as they imagine our gloved hands grasping in vain for non-existent handles.   They scoff at the notion that their product should be on wheels.

 They probably have focus groups convening right now to determine how to make the bag more slippery and prone to breakage.   After all, once it’s dropped at just the right angle and explodes all over the kitchen floor, all you have to do is allow the dog to eat it and then go back to the store to buy more.

 Actually, I think this has been their evil plan all along. 

~Chubby Girl

This week, the U.S. Supreme Court has rescinded legislative restrictions placed on campaign finance contributions. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/21/AR2010012104866.html

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_OBAMA_CAMPAIGN_FINANCE?SITE=MOJOP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Although the obvious item on the agenda is the protection of the First Amendment, one has to wonder how this could play out. 

My concern would be that Big Business will threaten democracy as we know it by having greater power to buy a politician’s vote and silencing opposition to legislation that would support corporate agendas.  (And yes, I do know this already happens in one form or another.)

Let’s face it:  Most of us don’t have the funds to compete with large corporations in ANYTHING.  I’m not sure the answer is to give them even more power.

As I look at my own community, I wonder what kinds of legislation corporations here will purchase.  Here are a few ideas:

1. HealthScare, Inc.:  I think they would buy laws that would ensure even fewer hurdles to drain Medicare funds in the name of caring for the elderly.
2. GoodSandwich: A no-brainer: Decreased restrictions on food safety and cleanliness in eating establishments.
3. UnitedBlue Insurance:  I believe they would pay for legislation that would require all individuals to purchase health insurance but nothing that would ensure that the company would have to pay out benefits.  (Oh wait, I think that’s already happening.)

I think we have a good idea of where it’s going.  How do you see this ruling affecting your world?

I always say that I’m not going to make New Year’s resolutions, and pretty much every year I’ve kept my resolve.   For me, New Year’s resolutions are pretty stupid and my first resolution is to stay away from something so dumb.

First of all, they are close to impossible to keep.  I’d have a better chance teaching my dogs to dance then I would to stay on top of these things.  Sure, the genius journalists at Yahoo! are all about writing articles to help you be successful, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they’re making it up as they go along.  In fact, before I take any of these columns seriously, I’d have to see some hard evidence that the author successfully took his own advice last year.

For starters, I’m already doing all kinds of things during the New Year.  Clean the house, get tax stuff together, buy a new calendar, and write 2010 on my checks is pretty much all I can handle. How in the heck am I supposed to also remember that cutting out ALL carbs means I can’t eat candy?

Resolutions are scary too.  I thought about posting some on Facebook to help me stay on track, but I didn’t want that many people to know what’s wrong with me. 

 “Wow, I didn’t realize she had so many problems…maybe we should hold a fundraiser.”

 Plus, I also don’t want everyone to know that six months from now, these things STILL will be wrong with me because I’m unable to complete goals I set for myself.

I wish that instead of making New Year’s resolutions for me, I could make them for other people.  Here’s my list:

1. Old Lady:  I don’t know who the heck she is, but I resolve that she will start keeping her opinions to herself.
2. Mom:  Can resolve to quit tying to make me feel guilty for turning out as myself and not as Dream Barbie.  Seriously, I don’t need to get married to have a meaningful and fulfilling life.
3. Dogs:  They can resolve to quit barking at every little piece of paper that floats across the yard.  Maybe they can also tack on getting back in the habit of peeing outside.   (I’m aware that it’s cold.  Five minutes. You’ll live.)

 Maybe I could also make resolutions for inanimate objects:

1.  My car can resolve to start, especially when I’m late for work. 

2.  Food will resolve to stop tempting me.  (Cupcakes and Cheetos especially need       to work on this.)

3.  My bills will work on time management.  They will quit arriving late to their destination.  I don’t know what happens here, but they really need to get a handle on this.

 I tell you, it’s hard work getting everyone else straightened out.  Thank goodness I’m done.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m ready for a piece of carb-loaded cake.

I have decided that I am jealous of the people who work at the post office.   Not the people that go out in the rain, sleet, snow, tornadoes and what-have-you to deliver the mail in wool pants.  No, I’m jealous of the people at the counter.  I realize it’s not adequately heated there and smells faintly of cigarette smoke (although I don’t know why, since smoking is prohibited in government buildings) but no one there is ever, ever in a hurry.   Especially now that it is just a few days before Christmas and the line spills out the door like that of the men’s room during intermission at a Community Theatre performance. 

 The post office is fun, too.  I never get bored while waiting in line. There’s so much to look at; so many possibilities for an impulse purchase.  They have all of these festive stamps for sale; along with commemorative bags, teddy bears, and other merchandise for people who really, really love the post office.  If you brought something to mail, but forgot to prepare it appropriately for delivery, they have all the tools you need for gift wrap.  Ribbons, paper, bags, boxes…they even have scissors and tape! 

 This year, I’ve decided to bring all of my Christmas shopping and set up a wrapping station there.  It would be easier then doing it at my house.  I wouldn’t have to clear off the dining room table to get started and there would be no small pieces of wrapping paper and ribbon to pick up afterwards.

 Since it would add to the festiveness of the post office, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.  In fact, you can join me.  You’ll just have to wait in line.

 ~Dad

It has been brought to my attention that we, as a society, need to discuss some etiquette issues.  Apparently, this conversation has not occurred, because the same things keep happening to me over and over.  Therefore, I will take the initiative and get the ball rolling.

1. If we agree to meet at 9:00 and you show up 10 minutes early, it does not mean that I am late for arriving at the established time.
2. It is in bad form to comment upon another’s weight, height, or general personal appearance.  This is America.  Most of us have mirrors. 
3. On that note, I DO know how much I weigh.  I’ve also talked to the Doctor about it (he wasn’t much help).  Your suggestions aren’t useful and the latest fad diet probably won’t work either.  Keep it to yourself.
4. I know how many calories are in this chocolate bar, French fries, sandwich, etc.  The Food Police are never appreciated at the dinner table.
5. Talking loudly on your cell phone while shopping for groceries does not make you important.  If this conversation is so significant, then take it outside.  We aren’t interested in hearing the details of your recent intestine surgery while waiting for you to pay attention to the cashier.
6. If I’m reading a book, that means I’m busy. Don’t talk to me unless something’s on fire.
7. Confiscating the remote and changing the channel to sports is not ok.  (Ahem…Joe.)
8. Don’t text me without permission.  It might cost me money.
9. Especially don’t text me if you’re my boss (Lora!!!!!).  I’m paid by the hour.  You can tell me your problem tomorrow, after I’ve clocked in.
10.  It’s not ok for you to jump on my lap and lick my face without permission.  Wait, that only applies to dogs (Rat Dog!).  No, wait… it applies to people too.

So there you have it folks, the Chubby Girl Record of Rudeness.  I’ve spotted ten things.  I’m sure there’s more.  Feel free to add!

~Michaela 

Fairchild

Email Your Answers

OFFICIAL RULES OF CONTEST/PROMOTION:  Beginning December 1, 2009 at 12:01 AM (CST) through January 16, 2010 at 11:59 PM (CST) go to www.chubbygirlcomics.com and submit answers to the questions in the blog entry titled “December 1, 2009: Fairchild’s Scavenger Hunt Contest”.  Answers must be submitted in the “Contact” form of the www.chubbygirlcomics.com Website.

ENTRIES: Limit (1) one entry per person and per e-mail address for this Promotion.  Entries using macro, robotic, script or other forms of automatic entry will be disqualified. Entries become the property of Metis Entertainment and will not be returned. Proof of submission does not constitute proof of receipt. If there is a dispute as to the identity of an online entrant, the prize will be awarded to the authorized account holder of the email address. The “authorized account holder” is defined as the natural person to whom the email address is assigned by an internet service provider, online service provider or other organization (e.g., business, educational institution, etc.) that is responsible for assigning email addresses for the domain associated with the submitted email address.

PRIZES:  Five (5) T-shirts (Value $12.99 USD) will be given away upon a random drawing of submitted entries.  Winners will be notified by email.  Winners will be asked to pick a published “Chubby Girl Comics” strip to have printed on T-shirt.  Winners will be required to submit to Metis Entertainment their contact information, including name, address, and phone number so that prizes may be delivered to said winner.  Winners names will be posted in a blog entry on the www.chubbygirlcomics.com Website.

ELIGIBILITY: Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia and Canada age 18 and older by December 1, 2009. Void in Puerto Rico, Quebec Province and where prohibited by law. Employees of Metis Entertainment, their family members and/or those living in the same household as that employee are not eligible.

CONDITIONS OF PARTICIPATION: Entrants must have valid e-mail address and it is entrant’s responsibility to update Metis Entertainment of any change in e-mail address. All taxes are the sole responsibility of the winner. Each prize is awarded “as is” with no warranty or guarantee, either express or implied.  No transfer, assignment or substitution of a prize permitted, except Metis Entertainment reserves the right to substitute prize for an item of equal or greater value in the event an advertised prize is unavailable. All federal, state, provincial and local laws and regulations apply. Entrants agree to be bound by the terms of these Official Rules and by the decisions of Metis Entertainment, which are final and binding on all matters pertaining to this Promotion.  Return of any prize/prize notification as undeliverable may result in disqualification and selection of an alternate winner. Acceptance of the prize constitutes permission for Metis Entertainment and its agencies to use winner’s name and/or likeness, biographical material and/or entry (including an altered form of the entry) for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation, unless prohibited by law. By accepting prize, winner agrees to hold Metis Entertainment, harmless for any injury or damage caused or claimed to be caused by participation in the Promotion or acceptance or use of the prize. Metis Entertainment is not responsible for any printing, typographical, mechanical or other error in the printing of the offer, administration of the Promotion or in the announcement of the prize.

INTERNET: Metis Entertianment is not responsible for electronic transmission errors resulting in omission, interruption, deletion, defect, delay in operations or transmission, theft or destruction or unauthorized access to or alterations of entry materials, or for technical, network, telephone equipment, electronic, computer, hardware or software malfunctions or limitations of any kind, or inaccurate transmissions of or failure to receive entry information by Metis Entertainment on account of technical problems or traffic congestion on the Internet or at any Web site or any combination thereof. If for any reason the Internet portion of the program is not capable of running as planned, including infection by computer virus, bugs, tampering, unauthorized intervention, fraud, technical failures, or any other causes which corrupt or affect the administration, security, fairness, integrity, or proper conduct of this Promotion, Metis Entertainment reserves the right at its sole discretion to cancel, terminate, modify or suspend the Promotion. Metis Entertainment reserves the right to select winners from eligible entries received as of the termination date. Metis Entertainment further reserves the right to disqualify any individual who tampers with the entry process. Sponsor may prohibit an entrant from participating in a Promotion if it determines that said entrant is attempting to undermine the legitimate operation of the Promotion by cheating, hacking, deception or other unfair playing practices or intending to abuse, threaten or harass other entrants. Caution: Any attempt by a participant to deliberately damage any Web site or undermine the legitimate operation of the Promotion is a violation of criminal and civil laws and should such an attempt be made, Metis Entertainment reserves the right to seek damages from any such participant to the fullest extent of the law.

DISPUTES/CHOICE OF LAW: Except where prohibited, each entrant agrees that: (1) any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of or connected with this Promotion or any prize awarded shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action, and exclusively by state or federal courts situated in Missouri, (2) any and all claims, judgments and awards shall be limited to actual out-of-pocket costs incurred, but in no event attorneys’ fees; and (3) no punitive, incidental, special, consequential or other damages, including without limitation lost profits may be awarded (collectively, “Special Damages”), and (4) entrant hereby waives all rights to claim Special Damages and all rights to have such damages multiplied or increased. Missouri State law, without reference to Missouri’s choice of law rules, governs the Promotion and all aspects related thereto.

Welcome to the new “Chubby Girl” website!  I’m your host, ManDee Nogle and today  I’d like to let you in on my plans for this blog, some cool things about our new site, and a word about a couple of upcoming contests.

First, I’d like for the blog to be both fun and informative.  Sometimes, I will write the blog myself to share thoughts or ideas and invite readers to respond.  But, I know that you all don’t want to hear me talk all the time, so I’m inviting the Chubby Girl characters to help out. Therefore, I came up with the idea of “Ask Chubby Girl”.   So, I would like to invite you all to submit questions and one of the Chubby Girl characters will answer.   (You’ll be able to tell whose talking by the picture in the post.)  I’m thinking advice column-ish, helpful hints, general info, etc.  Be creative! Ask anything!  (Unless it’s math related.  I’d hate to have to call in Mr. Babcock, my high school math teacher, to bail us out.)  Let’s have fun with this and see where it goes!

For now, we’ll keep the schedule relatively light and easy.  Expect an update on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays.  Once we get the ball rolling and have increased reader participation, I’ll increase the frequency of my posts.

Second, welcome to the new website!!!  I’m really excited about the new features of the site and I hope you enjoy your experience here.  One thing you will notice is that you can now share your favorite comics with friends (check underneath the strip to see the different ways you can share).  You can also post comments and have discussions about the strips.  There are also a couple of fun games here, so go check them out!  We still have our Café Press store and will begin featuring new merchandise every month.  Also, we now have the strip available for use in both online and offline publications.  Shoot me an email or check here to learn more.

Third, we plan on having regular contests on our site, so that you can win cool stuff like “Chubby Girl” merchandise.   Our first one is coming up soon and will be held to celebrate the new site!  It will begin December 1, 2009 and we’ll accept entries until January 16, 2010.  Visit us here on Tuesday for details! 

Finally, I’d like to invite you to send any comments or suggestions you have about the comic, this blog, or both to me here.  I love to hear from my readers and look forward to giving you all more of what you want through “Chubby Girl”.

Happy Reading!

~ManDee